Saturday, September 20, 2008

Saturday Morning mind dump

I am sad that [Title of Show] is closing on Broadway. Have you heard about this show? Have you listened to the hysterical cast album? I am hoping it will continue on... and I am channeling that the original cast might take it around to various cities... are you guys listening?

We have new upstairs neighbors and today they are moving their furniture up the back porch stairs. Clomp, clomp, clomp. Nice people. They have a dog. A huskie. These are just random facts and the various miniscule things I know about them. Let's see what else... well, I met them because their toilet overflowed and was dripping into OUR bathroom. Nice way to meet your new neighbors. I thought it was funny that they were so profusely apologizing. I mean, it's not THEIR fault. What were they thinking I would do when I opened the door to their knockity knock... I would open the door in a ratty robe and curlers (scotch taped to my head) and say, “Who the hell do you think you ARE?!!! Overflowing your toilet... what is WRONG with you?!!!! I know you did it on purpouse. You Toilet overflowers you!!!!!”

No. I shrugged it off. I mean it kind of freaked me out at first because the water that was dripping was not CLEAR water. So, that disturbed me. But when you live in a world of kitty litter, you start to become immune to... wait, that's kitty litter I am talking about, the tidy little litter that you put in a bag... (sounds like a catchy slogan, huh?) No, this is HUMAN!!!!!!!! Arrrrgghhhhhh!!!!!

But it was only the color that it was because of seeping through the floor boards. Seriously. But it still freaked me out. Hepititis nightmares danced in my head as I mopped it up and tried not to get any of it on me. And ofcourse as I am cleaning it up, it drips ON my head. Unclean... unclean!!!!

How we take for granted our sewer systems.

Ok. So I will continue on a sewer rant.
Up at my sisters, they have a natural well that to me, is about as UN-natural as it can be. Mainly because their water smells like rotten eggs. THEY are used to it. ME who comes from the city of purified to within an inch of it's life H2O from the faucet (yet we still drink Brita)... to me, it just absolutely REEKED... is that how you spell that? It stank. In the shower you are aromatherapied with this overwhelming sulfer smell. And yes, I quoted Glinda while in the bathroom, “what a smell of sulfur!!!” (for my own entertainment).

My sister asked me, “You can smell it? We can't smell it anymore.”
Well, yes, you can smell it. “Aren't you concerned what this may be doing to you over time?” I the paranoid city folk asked. “No.” Sis shrugged going back to her Soduko puzzle.

When I was a kid we used to be able to ignite our water. Another incident of natural well, with natural gas coming from the well and indeed, you would run the faucet and then light a match by the water coming out of the faucet and like a pilot light on a stove, it would light up, ignite... fire surrounding the stream of water. Isn't that weird? It was one of our house tricks, to amuse company when they came over. That and our singing window panes, but that's another story.

Ok. Mind clear. Off I go to seize the day.

Saturday, September 06, 2008

Planet of the Apes...

Creationism has been something I have been irritated with of late.
I read that in 2005 53% of people polled believed that we came from “Adam and Eve.”
And according to “creationism” it all began only 400 years BC.
And don't even get me started on Intelligent Design.
Adam and Eve and gardens and talking snakes... snow white and dopey and singing and dancing mice and puppets that become real live boys and and and...

HOW can people actually believe this?

A higher power? Yes. I believe in a higher power. I don't know what it actually is. I can feel it at times. A bearded caucasian man? Only if that is what you want to see him as. We all can have our own vision and I like it that way. This higher power GAVE us an imagination to allow us to deal with things that we don't actually know about, but FEEL and in order to put it into a framework we can understand, we attach an image to it. I mean scan the globe and see all the many versions of this higher power in the form of Buddha and that really cool Hindu multi armed elephant. Now THAT is imagination being put to good use.

Going back to Adam and Eve... I want to say to people, “so, let me get this straight... we are unable to access all sorts of information from zillions of years ago, so much of it all a huge mystery... YET we just so happen to know the names of the first two people on earth.

Oh and Noah... let's wrap our intelligence around THAT one. There are lots of Flood stories and interestingly, they spread across many cultures. Even native Americans had THEIR own story passed down through the ages. Whether or not there WAS a guy named Noah and that he actually managed to get ALL the animals (two by two) onto this state of the art vessel is where the storytime aspect takes hold.

I mean, think about it. Stories are told with a lot of imagery. Before TV you listened to the radio and had no choice but to envision what was being told to you. YOU had that creative license. Back in ancient times, stories told around campfires (or whatever) would get rather dull unless the storyteller added extra stuff to the story to beef it up. You know, the whole, “Hey! Listen to ME tell the story... mine has talking snakes!” As soon as these stories at whatever level they had reached via word of mouth became WRITTEN... that is when they sort of “died ” in a way. Now they had a permanance in whatever form they were in when written. The written word is very powerful. When people see something written there is this universal first notion that it is true. If it is written it is true. But that is not the case.

Not everything you read is true.
In a way, it is almost like tabloids... write whatever will sell the paper.
Write whatever will sell the book. Write whatever will get people to pay attention and scare them so you can control them.

Let ME decide how I see it. And let's not take it so literally.
The minute something has happened, your memory of it will distort. Depending, a few years will go by and the event that you remember will morph into something beyond whatever it originally was. But it is possible to remember the feeling you had and the more you think of it, the more fond you become of it and those heartfelt feelings can play wonderous tricks on your mind and memory. We turn many of our past experiences into their own little fairy tales.

Once upon a time... in the beginning... two households both alike in dignity... it was the best of times, it was the worst of times... Dorothy lived in the midst of the great Kansas prairies...


Sunday, August 31, 2008

Liza with a Zeal!

We went to see Liza Minnelli not knowing what to expect. In the last year I read news reports of her collapsing onstage, I saw some youtube video footage of her not doing well. It made you think she was again in the shadow of her mother, fighting against demons, losing the battle.

BUT... last night in Hammond, Indiana at the Horseshoe(?) Casino (where they STILL smoke inside - yuck!) Minnelli was in absolute TOP form. I was thrilled. To hear that familiar clarinet begin playing the opening of “Maybe This Time” which she just sang as good as if they were going for a second take in the filming of the movie. I liked it that when she sang (referring to romantic interests) that she was hoping her new man would be, “not a loser anymore, like the last time and the time before..” She rolled her eyes while singing this line. Very funny. Good to see that she has a great sense of humor about herself. At the end of the song (and only the fourth or fifth song in the show) the audience was on it's feet, cheering.

She paid tribute to her godmother, entertainer, vocal arranger Kay Thompson (who worked at MGM in the 40's and wrote the Eloise books - based on Liza's childhood incidently)... she had four guys with her and they did this wonderful tight harmony and tight choreography ala nightclub shows from the 40's and 50's. TOTALLY up my alley. Loved it. Revelled in the fact that with Liza holding the ropes, you were truly seeing the real deal. The last in a line of Hollywood royalty. Stare hard, soak it in. Her voice, yes, it was challenged, notes were shaky, but it was this energy she had in her that just burst out of her. And as the show progressed, it got EVEN better. By the time the encore came and there she was “start spreadin' the news...” she was claiming her corner of the universe, with one of her trademark songs. (We had already been treated to “Cabaret” which again, was great). And there she was, belting out “New York, New York” and going for the key change and the place went wild. Hey! Screw oil, THERE'S our new energy source! Whatever it is she manages to pull up from out of nowhere could very well fuel jet planes and send them around the world a few times non-stop.

There may have been times in these last years, one would think it was time for her to throw in the towel, but with this new show, the Kay Thompson material, she saddled up the horse and climbed back up on top. WE WERE JUST THRILLED. And I am speaking for myself, Jason and the audience around us. Afterwards, there was a buzz in the air and also, maybe it was just me, but a kind of shock that she pulled off what she had just pulled off. This is a good reason to truly not buy into anything you read about. If you wanna know how she's doing, go to the source itself.

Jason said that at the end of the show, an older woman was crying saying that it was like seeing her mother onstage again. It was. It wasn't just that though, it was seeing the heritage. Always being compared to her immortal mother, you can see WHY when you see her in person. There IS an uncanny resemblance... or is it just that her Mom was WITH her. I'd like to think that just as Liza as a child watched her mother from the wings, that NOW her mother is returning the favor and then helplessly, caught up in the excitement, joins her.

When you see Liza on stage, you realize that this is her family trade. A long line of performers... her Mom, her Dad, her aunts (the Gumm sisters) and her grandparents who were vaudevillians.
Not to mention her godparents (Thompson and this composer guy... ever hear of IRA GERSHWYN?! And all of her parents comrades and friends... you know, Uncle Frank, Uncle Sammy, all the great greats.

And so with her, you saw it all... vaudeville, film, stage, broadway, nightclubs all accumulated now into this sixty two year old woman, thinned down, scissor legged again, eyes dazzling again... Liza with a ZEAL! Yay!!! Fireworks, fourth of July, America... it was HER Olympic category... and she was winning more medals as we rooted for her all the way.

Thank God.

So needless to say, I had a VERY good time.
:- )

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Happy Birthday Karen!

Happy Birthday to my big sister Karen. Karen is a writer and I keep pestering to do her website. Hopefully soon this will become a reality because she really is good. I remember as a kid, a little sneaky bratty little brother, I LOVED to snoop around her desk. She had this cool corner desk (one of those kind of colonial modular kid bedroom set ups.) And I loved the SMELL. What was it? A mixture of all the projects she worked on, painting little plaster statues, hodge podging pictures onto wooden planks (with the pictures edges burned ofcourse)... and her drawings and notebooks and sketchbooks.
I also loved her handwriting so much that I kind of stole it or adapted it to my own handwriting. Hers is still better.
So happy birthday, here is a whole new year for you to continue pursuing your book writing dreams... and make them a reality. She already has articles written for magazines and such. I will squeeze info out of her and get links posted so all the world can read her work. THAT and a website are MY goals to accomplish for her in this next coming year.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

The Island of Has Been Stars...

Daytime and late night TV.
The home of Rerun television and cheezy commercials.
How I love the cheezy commercial.
How I love to spell cheezy just the way I did.

The new “Sally Struthers” has made her mark. Maureen McCormick implores us to save the children, with a very strained and hardened face.

Again, wow.

And then for some commercial for a cash lending company there's Mr. Gary Coleman who actually NOW is throwing in the towel and using his catch phrase. He says it though with absolutely no emotion. Poor old zombie Arnold. Mrs. Garrett looks away hoping to not turn into a pillar of salt. He might as well be wearing a shirt that says, “sold out.” But for him that is a good thing. It's good that he scrapes the bottom of the barrel for the ONE thing left he has to spray in our faces like pop culture mace. (sp)

But seeing him do it... it's sad. Perhaps the overall conscensus was that the fact that he WASN'T saying it anymore meant that he had some kind of pride or something or other going on.

Hmmm... Gary Coleman... pride.
Ponder that one for a minute.

Back to Marcia.
Marcia, Marcia, Marcia.
She looks mad.
She's just so damn mad that she is resorting to this level of showbusiness.
You can ONLY get to this level by having gone up the ladder. But most times these folks aren't looking down when they descend the ladder and then they realize the ladder leads them back down to such television spots.

Oh well.
Good for them. They're working...
But I must say it gives me a start to see them.
They seriously burst onto the tv.
When Mr. Coleman did, I actually yelped.
And when I saw Marcia, I said, “Oh My Nose!”

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Sam's trick...

I don't know how he does it, but when I need to wake up at a certain time, all I have to do is ASK my cat Sam to wake me up at a specific time and believe it or not, he does it. For example, I have to take Jason to the airport this morning and needed to get up 5:15 am. Last night before going to bed, I leaned down to Sam cuddling next to me, petted his head and said, “Sam, I need you to wake me up at 5:15 tomorrow.”
Sure enough, about 5:10, he is crawling up onto my chest and meowing in my face.
And truly, he usually will not do this until about 7am.

I will try it again and let you know what happens.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Go away Lady...

Watching the Olympics. Synchronized Diving is VERY cool. But WHO is this woman commentator? She is SO obnoxious! Jason and I were yelling at her. She couldn't hear us though. But I am wondering, is there an Olympic event called, “GO AWAY LADY!!!”

Monday, August 04, 2008

Fasting? I prefer Frosting.

After a week of eating up at Dairyman's in Wisconsin, I felt I wanted to rejuvinate.
I decided to go on a fast.

Not for religious purposes, but for health reasons, just wanting to take this 40-something old body of mine and give it a tune up. I did some research and from several legit resources found that the “Master Cleanse” would be a good way to go... so to speak.

I researched online, went to the health food store and bought a pamphlet about it. Basically, for ten days I was to live off of a concoction of organic lemone juice, grade B maple syrup and filtered water... with a pinch of cayenne pepper tossed in. I was to just drink this about six or seven or however many times I felt like it a day. Basically whenever I was hungry. I read that this combo actually gave me all the nescessary nutrients while throughly cleansing my innards. Yay!

I really thought I could do it. This is what stopped me...

Every morning I was to give my body a salt water bath... internally... by drinking 32 ounces of lukewarm water with two level teaspoons of sea salt or course salt.

I sipped. Yep, salty alright... kind of like drinking sweat... or worse.
I gulped hoping to get it over with asap.
This is pretty much absolutely GROSS!
The 32 oz never seemed to end.
I began to think to myself:

Only two teaspoons? This sh*t is potent.
This might as well be pee. I am drinking pee.
Ten days.
Some people do it for 40 days.
People are stupid.
My innards aren't all that junked up.
Cheetos COULD be a food group.
Stanley Burroughs (creator of the Master Cleanse) is crazy.
At first I thought of Edgar Rice Burroughs AKA author of Tarzan.
Tarzan's hot.
Tarzan would NEVER drink salt water.
Me Rob.
Me drinking icky.

So there I was bloated from salt water, feeling like a beached Sea Lion.
And thus decided to NOT do a ten day fast.

I did learn some good things from this though.
It isn't nescessarily a bad idea to have a tonic of lemon juice sweetened with maple syrup (two teaspoons of THAT and not SALT).
Honey is actually not as good for you as you would think. (Something I read in the pamphlet. Hey, I paid $6.99 for it, I'm gonna believe it.)

Ideally, I would like to do a cleanse... I like the idea of it. I DO think it could be beneficial. But I am going to wait. Do some more research.
Anyone got any bright ideas?
I went to DQ yesterday.

Monday, July 28, 2008

up north...

I am presently up in Boulder Junction, Wisconsin.

Jason and I are staying at a private resort with pretty much my entire family (all in separate cabins). It is the complete opposite of our normal lives in Chicago and so that makes for the perfect vacation. The only thing that ties us to our normal lives is that each rustic cabin is equipped with DSL!!!!! And the cabins aren't that rustic. In fact, we have one of the nicest ones!
We have relaxed, napped, taken the little outboard motor boat out for a spin, Jason kayaked, we went into the “big town” of Minacqua and went to Paul Bunyans logging house cook shanty on a stick or whatever it was called. Before the two of us where spread each and every kind of animal to eat... pig, chicken, cow... just the usual ones, nothing exotic. And dang if they weren't REAL good.

Not much else to do. Napping is the best part of all.

Sunday, July 20, 2008


... go and see “Wall-E” at a movie theatre or if possible iMax.
We saw it last night (not at iMax but a regular theatre) and it was truly a first time movie experience. I have never ever seen anything like this movie. It's absolutely fantastic and fun. You will instantly be seven years old again at your local hometown movie theatre... gazing in awe at the screen as the magic unfolds before you.
My thought leaving the show was, “I can't wait to see what film technology will show us next...”

Monday, July 14, 2008

Harold Arlen...

Earlier in the year, Beckie Menzie asked me to take part in a Composers show that CCP was producing at the downtown Drury Lane Watertower Theatre. Happily, I was asked to represent Harold Arlen. I will be singing one of my favorite songs he wrote, “I love to Sing-a”. I have been “sing-a' ing” this song for years and years. I originally heard it as part of a Warner Brothers cartoon of the same name featuring a character named, Owl Jolson. In the 80's working with Eric Lane Barnes, I developed the arrangement that I still do to this day. Beckie Menzie's accompaniment sends it into orbit.
In addition to that song, I am paying tribute to the reason I discovered Arlen (and the rest of his music...) MGM's “The Wizard of Oz.” A little known movie... have you heard of it perhaps? I recount my approaching sixth birthday and my request to own a copy of the original soundtrack (just like Miriam Lamp had...). My Mom made two or three attempts. First with some very strange versions of the story... Dorothy with a brooklyn accent, stupid baby songs that were definitely NOT Arlen. Thankfully on July 24th, 1967 the REAL version was in my hands.

The show is tonight and tomorrow. Hope to see you there!

Saturday, July 12, 2008

I know, I know...

I have to be more “self absorbed” as an anonymous comment suggested.
So with that in mind, what if I actually TRY to write in this everyday?! Even if it's just a sentence or a declaration of what the weather is.
Here is what the weather is:
The weather is what happens outside of your house when you look outside either through the door or window or hole in the roof if there is one in which perhaps, the weather is quite severe.
The ACT of looking out doesn't create the weather, the weather is something that just happens.

Here are some guaranteed ways to actually CONTROL the weather...
  • If it is raining, buy an umbrella at the nearest store. The rain will stop almost immediately (especially if you spend more than twenty dollars on the umbrella).
  • If you want it to be cold, do not on any circumstance where a jacket or sweater. In fact, where a tank top and short shorts and as the day progresses, it will get very chilly.
  • This also works for warmth as well. So bundle up and it will be nice and warm for the day.
There was a pretty decent thunderstorm last night. I love thunderstorms. I especially love them when I am inside the house. I love how the whole building can shake sometimes depending on the intensity of the thunder clap. Perhaps it's the fact that it is a thunder CLAP because as an entertainer, I ofcourse enjoy applause. (Unless it's the applause one hears after being boo'd off the stage and as you exit, they applaud.)

So I hope anonymous is happy.
I hope this isn't just a bunch of drivel.
I hope that there actually IS a word called drivel and that I used it properly.
But then again, I don't give a crap, it's my blog I can make up words if I want.

Have a ding dong dilly of a Saturday!!!!
Tomorrow is Jason's birthday. Although this weekend (beginning last night) was declared, “Jason's birthday weekend!”

I seem to be enjoying the word “declared” today.

Friday, July 04, 2008

People am stupid

Why are there CNN news reports about Susan Olson (aka Cindy Brady) throwing up during an early morning radio broadcast because she was hung over.

Why do we have to hear how shocked the DJ was because it was CINDY BRADY throwing up.

Um... Cindy Brady is SO very NOT real.
The Brady Bunch is a fantasy.

Why does the shock jock DJ act like he is so shocked about it?
I can't believe that adorable, lisping, wholesome Cindy Brady DRANK wine. She drank. She was drunk! Oh no.

And then of course the radio broadcast is probably sponsored by some brand of beer or vodka...

But shame, shame on Cindy Brady.
Shame on the actress Susan Olson for being a real live human being.
You are not supposed to be human. You are supposed to be the human that we want you to be even though we think that that human is stupid anyway and we make fun of her lisping but really when we make fun of “thindy brady” lisping, we are making fun of the real live Susan Olson who never really lisped that badly anyway but now she is known for being the youngest one in curls who lisps.

Oh and it looks like she has had a face lift...

Monday, June 23, 2008

Sam's favorite TV show...

I was folding laundry the other day and had the tv on in our bedroom. Sam, our adorable cat was sitting there on the bed keeping me company. It was early sunday afternoon and not much was on TV although I did notice that the retro show, “Davey and Goliath” was on. I hadn't seen that show in years and so I switched it on. I remember liking this show when I was a kid. I liked his sister Sally's hair. She was mildly retarded as I remember... anyway, I am focusing on folding t-shirts and glance up and SAM is sitting there watching the show, just as content as can be. And he is actually watching it. And not just staring at the moving images, but looking at the specific “puppet” when it talks... he really seemed to be following along with the story.
Cracked me up.

Friday, June 20, 2008

P is for PATTI!

WOW. I was so overwhelmed by her performance on the Tony's that as I sat there curled up in my chair, I wept. I actually cried when she got towards the end. And afterwards... Ah, the wonderous ovation. This... performing... singing and belting and just putting it out there is MY sport. It's my football or basketball... only you never hear one of those horn blasting things unless it's coming from Lupones pipes. And the cheers... well, she just scored a touchdown.
Just absolutely Pattilutely WONDERFUL.
And she won a Tony too.
Tony too?
Tony too!!!!

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Thursday, May 15, 2008

dolls, dolls, dolls...

I have decided that instead of writing in my blog, I shall express myself visually.
And with that in mind...


Thursday, May 08, 2008


“It is a sad day when an icon like Barbara Walters, in the sunset of her life, is reduced to publicly branding herself as an adulterer, humiliating an innocent family with accounts of her illicit affair and speaking negatively against me all for the sake of selling a book. It speaks to her true character,” (Star) Jones told Us Weekly magazine.

Ah, the sweet backwash of celebrity.
I think that this comment from Star Jones is hysterical and speaks of HER true character. And WHAT a character.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

American I-DULL

So this year, I have not been watching IDOL. I tuned in last night to see the four remaining singers. Aside from Lil' David and the guy without the dreads (news report to caucasians... enough with the dread locks... ya look stupid and yes I am being 100% judgemental)... the guy sans dreads... they SUCK. So I guess I am saying, two are good and two stink.

The dread head dude... just AWFUL! Get ye to a Karaoke bar and swiftly!

The girl... Cardboard cutout of a zillion other girl singers. Ho if it's HUM.

The guy who isn't David Archuletta is good. Interesting voice. Good stage presence. But doesn't really do it for me. The Archuletta kid has a golden voice, is adorable and it sounds like he is losing his voice. Just give him the prize so he can go and rest.

Interesting when you are not invested in the show. It all seems rather stupid.
And the audience of teeny bopper girls screaming their heads off. It is SO stupid. They are just acting like they think they are supposed to act because they saw some black and white archive footage of a beatles concert. I feel like this show is now taking the art of performing and making a mockery of it.

Oh, and Paula is retarded.

Saturday, May 03, 2008


My german heritage has redeemed itself in a documentary called, “Helvetica.” It's about the history of the typeface, “Helvetica” which has German roots. But then I am reminded again, watching Oprah's interview of Tom Cruise. She marvels at the grand length of his 25 year career in film. And I jump up and shout, “that's how long that poor girl was in the basement!”

I am disturbed.
And seriously not making light of it.
The basement not my disturbance.

I am suddenly very self conscious.
Am I editing myself or suddenly feeling a moral journalistic responsibility?


I don't really know what to write... er... type.
I used to be an avid journal writer. I have the books and books to prove it. I loved clutching my big storybook journal and head off to Coffee Chicago. This was back in the day when I seemed to be the only person doing this. “What? You go to a place and have coffee? And that's it? ALL BY YOURSELF?!!!”
So now that I have this blog, I want to just dump all of my thoughts, etc. but the catch is, now people can READ them! (insert thunderclap and a distant scream). There are alot of things that inspire me to write and so now, here, this quiet Saturday morning, I will just randomize.

The first thing that has been on my mind of late is this Austrian Josef Fritzel jerk-wad. I will be walking down the street and just shudder thinking about it. Last night at an open mic, someone was singing “Danny Boy” and when he got to the part in the song where he talks about lying under-ground or however the lyric goes, I just had one of those freak-out body shake things. Eek! Yuck. The thought of being in a basement where apparantly you couldn't even really stand up straight just wigs me out. A day in a place like that. Yuck. So let's toss in another 24 years! 24 YEARS! He put this poor woman down there a year before I graduated from College. She helped him bring a door down to the basement not knowing that this was the last time in a long long long while she would be descending a staircase, leaving the light of day. Absolutely horrific. And then the continuing circumstances and the fact that these children grew up NEVER seeing the light of day. The hardly only possibly lucky one is the five year old who just might possibly lead a somewhat normal life.

Apparantly at the psychiatric ward where they are currently, they are each in their own rooms, adjusting to the ability to have their own private space, being able to HAVE space around them, but just as a pre-caution, they have a storage container for them to crawl into if they need to. I mean, THAT is what they are used to. Could it possibly be the opposite effect that instead of being claustraphobic in a small space, they actually are very uncomfortable in a large open space. These children knew of nothing but a dimly lit basement apartment their entire lives. The poor daughter of the daughter is in critical condition. Her illness saved their lives though. I hope she recovers. But how could anyone recover from something like this 100%?

The children are very pale (obviously) having NEVER been exposed to natural light. Their immune systems are challenged for never being exposed in a social way to germs and communicable disease.

It just has to be one of the most horrible things I have ever heard.
And it's amazing that they survived.
And amazing that he got away with it. I mean, he expanded and built more rooms during the 24 years. He had to bring supplies down there. He had to have the door open for a spell to get all the stuff in there. And not a soul found out. I imagine he had the daughter and the children locked in a room or tied up and gagged or something. And they DID knock on the pipes and ceiling and walls. Tenants in the building (tenants of this monster) noticed the sounds but he told them it was the heating making the sound.

This guy's punishment should be that HE now has to live down in that hole for the rest of his life. Drop in every five years with a five year supply of clif bars or something. And then wave bye bye and lock the door on HIM.

Also on a side note, this just is not a good day to be austrian. (which I AM partly). And I used to like being austrian because of “the sound of music” but now he and that other dude, ya know, the Hitler jerk... just make us austrians look really bad. Really bad cartoon control freaks.

My natural way of dealing with things that make me uncomfortable is to hide behind humor. But THIS just leaves me numb and baffled. I pray those people can evolve into capable and rightly deserving citizens of the earth ABOVE ground and flourish and become happy people with nothing but a properous future ahead of them.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Anyone feel the earthquake?

It happened around 4:30 or 4:40 in the morning.
People were going on like it really was a major earthquake. Describing the whole rolling floor feeling and everything!
I didn't feel a thing. I didn't wake up. Nothing.
I did however experience an earthquake in california. I was at my parents home in Palm Desert. I was sleeping in a room with a very loud air conditioner and in the middle of the night after I had just dozed off, I started to wake up thinking that the air conditioner was going crazy. It was suddenly so loud and it was making the room shake but no, it wasn't that. I bolted out of bed just as it stopped. But ran in to find my sister completely freaked out. (We were watching the house while my parents had gone on a trip.
She had an entirely different experience. She heard every glass in the house rattle. The closet doors were swinging open and close as were the doors. I missed it all.
The next morning as we sat out on the patio having breakfast, suddenly, the earth burped. It felt like it burped. There was this very unsettling rolling feeling underneath us. Just a quick “bloop!” Although it didn't actually go “bloop,” it's just a word that best described the feeling. You know, a “bloop.”

So again, anyone feel this morning's bloop?

Monday, April 07, 2008


Cleaning the house is dangerous.
I think I am just going to stop cleaning altogether.
I was using the upright vacuum. I had the hose attach and stretched just a bit too far and the vacuum came down on my big toe. I mean, it came down smack and hard as a hammer. Hollered. It hurt but then you just breathe through it and the “stubbed” toe pain goes away... but not apparantly when a vacuum cleaner is involved.
I am on day two now of major toe pain. “Toe Pain Poisening” your might say.
A very lovely shade of green gleams from behind my toe nail (that I pray does not fall off... that would be just a tad too much like the Jeff Goldbloom remake of “The Fly” for me.

So there I sat upon the couch. It was throbbing. How could NOT moving it at all make it hurt? What was going on in there? All of a sudden just this horrific throbbing pain like someone was twisting my toe off with a plyers. Yeah... not fun.

Jason helped me.
This is what he did.
He gave me a bucket of ice water to soak my toe in.
That I must say is not pleasant.
I have never been one of those polar bear jumping in the lake in january types and could barely barely lower my toe and then foot into a bucket of ice water, with ice floating about and the theme from “Titanic” whispering in my ear. “This is how cold the water was when the people went into the sea.” Yes, these are the things I think about even when in pain.
After a spell, it actually felt good.
THEN it was time to put my foot into a warm bucket of epson salted water.
AH, that sounded nice.
But we didn't have epson salt so Jason put one of those bubble bath bombs into a bucket of what HE felt was warm and I felt was scalding hot.
The water turned greener than my foot and afterwards as I was drying my foot off, I noticed that it was bedazzled with a very teeny tiny glitter. I now had a very sore DISCO foot.

So today, it felt better. But by end of day, I was hobbling home. Ouch. Could barely walk. I felt old. This is “old person” practice. You have to have a lot of patience. A car actually honked at another car to go even though that car was waiting for poor me to cross the street. People are such assholes... and even to US invalids.

So now I sit on the couch. Just having to let it take it's course.
I can bend it so it's not broken. It's more than likely fractured.

I have a fractured Toe.
I want ice cream.
And to EAT not to put on my toe.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008


to the three people who are my audience, but I have been so busy... I did find time to toss in that last post... I'd blog about work but that would be boring... or maybe not. I used to write in my journal several times a day, but then that was something that nobody was going to read... so I didn't have to edit myself. But ya know, as a personal growth exercise, I should attempt to be just as open and honest in this blog as I was in my journal... so, with that in mind I am not afraid to tell you that I am at this moment seated on the throne with Parker sleeping in my pants that are pulled down around my feet.

Too much info?


Sunday, March 23, 2008

You say Easter and I say...

I am a spiritual person. I do indeed believe in a higher power. And in my mind it's a very nice lady. Sorry but that is how I envision it. Actually, no. It's neither lady or man. It's just this amazing powerful energy that we all come from. We are little portals... little vestibules of that energy. Oh wait... I just looked up vestibule and it basically means “toilet...” so no, we are not little toilets (well, maybe SOME of us are) but we are little groovy jetson flying pods of amazing energy. No, I have not smoked anything this morning.

ANYWAY... I guess, I am trying to layout my religious beliefs and it makes me feel put on the spot, like I have to paint the picture and set it in stone. Actually, I like to allow it to shift and morph into whatever it WANTS to be. I don't have it painted into any corners of any kind.

So with that in mind, I have to say that I have always thought Easter was weird.

As a kid there were two parts to Easter. First of all was the whole Jesus on the cross thing. Seeing pictures of him, with blood and he's all skinny and sad and it's terrible, terrible. And then on the other hand (or perhaps I should say paw) is the delightful and adorable Easter BUNNY... prancing about and mischievously hiding candy for all the boys and girls to find.

But keep the peeps bunny...

Even as a kid, I knew that the connection to these two things was really strange. They really had nothing to do with each other and if Jesus is hanging up there in all his misery, why are we eating candy? Well, actually we are eating candy as he is rising from the dead... which still is kind of creepy.

Well, here or rather “hares” the truth on the Easter bunny... or what it “probably” is but come on, it makes perfect sense...

The origin of the Easter Bunny probably goes back to the festival's connection with the pagan goddess Eostre. Eostre (sometimes spelt Oestre) was a fertility goddess from whom we derive the word "oestrogen" and she is closely associated with fertility symbols such as eggs. The rabbit is known as a highly fertile creature and hence an obvious choice for Easter symbolism. (origin of this quote)

So the word Easter is derived from a goddess and has nothing to do with Jesus. It means “estrogen” (see I told you god is a woman!) How did this all happen? I am certain it had to do with some sort of competition between the two religions... christianity and paganism. And just like we have tv sweeps and the better story or better deal gets more attention, instead of competing with each other, the two “shows” combined to make one big holiday. And it's very strange.

Yes, I as a happy child was to search for chocolate but also know that Jesus is rising from the dead today too. And that of course, the whole resurrection thing can be interpreted with Eggs... rebirth... I have also read people suggesting that the empty easter egg represents the empty tomb... what? And besides, easter eggs aren't empty, they are filled with jelly beans!

In all honesty, as a tot, when I searched for candy and toys, I didn't think about Jesus at all, he was upstaged by cadbury eggs.

Basically, my stand point is that it is all very silly. Not the fact that Jesus died on the cross... but the fact that these two holidays are smooshed together and many of us just go along for the ride and have no idea what it represents historically. I have always been interested in how and why and what... BUT if Easter is also meant to be a symbol of SPRING... well, take one look out my window and it doesn't look like Spring or ANY rebirth is coming anytime soon. It looks like early February.

And one other thing, I always enjoy seeing the chocolate crosses intermixed with the bunnies at Walgreens. Seriously... a chocolate CROSS... yes, kids, now you can EAT it!!!! (also comes in white chocolate variety).

Sunday, March 09, 2008

The 80's show at Davenports...

Last week I took part in a tribute to the music of the 1980's. In the first clip, I sing the songs, “Take On Me”(A-ha) and “Gloria” (Laura Branigan... loved her) and in the other clip, Laura Freeman and I sing, “Move On” from “Sunday in the Park with George.”
(Special thanks to Melissa Young and her husband who filmed the show.)
George Howe accompanies on piano.

the still of winter... still...

Today, the Chicago Sun Times said that the weather would be crunchy!


Crunchy? I immediately think of cereal.

Winter is NOT fortified with vitamins. It's just cold and hangs around too long. Go away winter. I am flicking the light switch on and off. Go. GO!!!!! Get outa here. Last call for Winter.

I noticed that aside from it being very cold, March came in like a lamb. So I guess it's going to go out like a lion and I am hoping this means delicious thunder storms and then April... warmer... rainy... worms coming up for a peek from sidewalk cracks. That wonderful clean smell in the air as we get weather washed and primed for spring. Rainy afternoons, dark out and making inside bright and cozy... comforting.

But for now, oh well... it's crunchy.

Debbie does... groovy?!

My friend Alex put this up on her blog and I had to do the same. To me, this clip is the essence of SO many things I just love... the 60's, camp, old school stars trying to be hip... blows my mind.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

BREAKING NEWS: Cutest Cat in the World Sits in Sink

Something as simple as Sam in a sink can just make my entire day. He wouldn't budge either. I had to brush my teeth in the kitchen. Hey... HE makes the rules not me.

This cat is truly amazing. And not just because he's part of our feline family. His fur is made of real velveteen and I just love his pink nose. I could just kiss his pink nose over and over.

Yes, I am confessing here a sick, twisted obsession and so be it.

Pink kitty noses were put on earth not just for them to sniff with but for us to kiss.

He wakes me up in the morning by sneezing on purpose in my face. Nice, huh? And seriously, does it not because he has to sneeze but forces a sneeze to get me out of bed.
I cannot explain how disgusting a FORCED kitty sneeze is. It reminds me of this kid I knew who blew his nose in the snow without kleenex. Just GROSS. Cat's though, not as bad, so I use THAT as a comparison so I can tolerate this morning ritual.

It works like this:
Sam Smoolie Dorn Smith sneezes in my face and boom I am up and out of bed saying, “eeewwww gross... SAM!!!” wiping the kitty spew off of my face. He is already halfway to the kitchen. I guess he has me pretty well trained, huh?

Friday, February 15, 2008


HEY! I am on Oprah today! Well, in the audience at least...
Here's what I wrote about it (last week... oops forgot to post it)

Last wednesday we went to the Oprah show.
Talk about a well oiled machine.
It was so interesting to see how it's all done. I could have just sat there for hours watching the director and crew and Oprah relaxing in between camera time. The Oprah-bot actually does turn on and off but in a way that preserves her energy for the camera. She just has it down to such a “t” or rather, an “o.” Well she should seeing that she's been doing it forever.
I was hoping the show would feature celebrities. No.
I was hoping to see Nate. No.
... it was a fashion make-over show.
BUT, at the end of the show, all the ladies who participated in the makeovers got $400. shopping sprees. And as the audience politely clapped for them, Oprah said, “and you're all getting one too!!!” The place erupted with screams of happiness. I like screams of happiness.
People just assume now when going on Oprah that you are going to get something.
It's fun to “win” something. Oprah rocks.
The show will appear next wednesday so squint and maybe you will see me. We were on the right hand side which would be oprah's stage left.
The set is TEENY!
First of all you wait for about two hours. Then you are ushered into the set.
A woman comes out to warm up the audience. Yes, we actually practice screaming and hollering and ooing and ahhhing.
People are buzzing about and then in comes Ms. Winfrey. “Hi!” she says strolling in casually, taking us all by surprise. The place goes psycho.
People are SO damned happy to see Oprah. But then she IS the queen of the world.
So odd to hear her voice in person. Such a familiar voice.

For whatever reason, let's just say it's a “rob dorn reason..” I call Oprah, “Kreesha Freesha.” The Kreesha thing makes sense because it has an ethnic ring to it, and “freesha...” well, that just goes so well with “kreesha” doesn't it? So that's what bubbled out when I came up with a nickname for her. And I didn't intentionally give her a nickname, it just occurs.
Throughout the years, I have given many people I admire nicknames... here are some of them:

Helen Randle... family friend. When I was ten and she was thirty-something, we hit it off and became bestest freinds. I have always loved her like crazy (I need to call her). Anyway, I gave her a long nickname based on all the people I thought she looked like...
“Dorothy Helen Annette Jackie O Randle”

My niece Maggie... “monkey bubble” (again... don't ask because I have no idea... I channel these names, remember.)

Debbie S (a first girlfriend... don't laugh) “Dubba” (that was an easy one)

Barb Black (high school bud giganticotis) “Flarbie”

Judy Lemke... it wasn't really a nickname, but when I would be going over to her house (I was five) I would chant, “dump dump JUDY! dump dump JUDY!!”

Jody Briskey... worked with her for years with “Three Hits and a Miss.” I started calling her “Lady” based on an edith ann (lily tomlin) impression. She didn't quite get that it was lily tomlin and would call ME lady too. Pretty soon EVERYONE was called Lady. I even called the audience lady once, during a moment of exhaustion on stage.... we were touring EVERY mid-size town in the country and I mean EVERY single one. This was somewhere between Nebraska and Texas I think.

Jason... Jeebs. I'm Dornie and he's Jeebs. Sort of comes around full circle with that one. I love that these names just BECOME your new name. I like nicknames. Nice ones. I won't reveal some of the evil bad Kharma nicknames I have given people over the years. I have to lay off as I am attempting to cleanse my aura... I'll let ya know when I come clean.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Tell a story...

What a great Three Cat Thursday's show.
It was a last minute replacement.
Jason had to cover for an artist who had to cancel. So he called up three other “monologuests:” Roberta Miles, Jillian Ericson and Kelsie Huff and the four of them each told stories.
After listening to each of them, I came away with a head full of so many original images, images that I helped to create by listening to these stories... movies in my brain. I realized that it's important to have this experience... frequently. It's good to hear stories told by artists on a bare bones stage. The only thing to enhance the imagination is the sound of their voice, their facial expressions and the trip they take you on as you fill in the details, the pictures.
I felt like my mind got a great work out and it's a great addition to just watching tv and letting IT do all the work.
As a cabaret artist, I realize now how important it is to tell a story and ENGAGE the listener. Let them do the work too... a duet between you and the audience. You don't have to work as hard as you think... just TELL the story. 

Tuesday, January 22, 2008


Yesterday, apparently, was supposed to be the saddest day of the year. I had no idea of this concept until I read it in the news.
CNN should stand for “Constant Negative Network.”
I am bound and determined to rid myself of the negativity that clings to me like dust bunnies...
but it's difficult when every time I flip to or any kind of news, I read such things as...

Bodies falling out of the sky.
Another dead baby recovered (from the father tossing them off the bridge incident)
Man attacks people at homeless shelter with a chainsaw.
Britney clings to screaming baby in her bathtub while family tries to intervene.
Sweeney Todd isn't nominated for best picture...

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

What's creepier than a circus clown?

a GIRL circus clown.
Have happy dreams...

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Carol Burnett...

Back in “the day” whatever that's supposed to mean... I guess I am trying to say, back when I was a kid... I lived for Saturday night and the Carol Burnett Show. This is one of her best skits...

Monday, January 07, 2008

Whaddya mean cold?

My last entry was entitled, “Frozen.”

It's Monday.
It's in the mid to upper 50's.
It's 7 am.
It's going to be in the 60's this afternoon. What the ...?!!?
Hey, I ain't complain'n!

Jason and I went to the Nature Museum yesterday. It felt like late April and we walked all over Lincoln Park. The museum was our destination. It's a cool museum. We were drawn to the place because we heard that you can go into this solarium and see hundreds of butterflies. Yep, that's exactly what it was. My favorites were the more moth like... had those wings that when spread look like a great horned owl. Amazingly bold blues and reds on some of these other ones and of course the Monarchs too. I was afraid I was going to step on one. I imagined then all of them turning on me. I also thought it was interesting that just because they were “pretty” you didn't freak out as much as if you went into a solarium filled with locusts or June bugs.
I also got to pet a very large snake. They have the softest skin... well rubbing in one direction they do (I know... this is sounding kinky)... but then you rub your hand the other way and it's scaly. (Scaley?) It was a boa constricter. Not a ten foot long one but a four foot long one. There were also giant lizard iguana's that looked like the kind of lizards they would use in one of those 1960's adventure movies like “Journey to the Center of the Earth” where they would set them loose on a miniature set and make you think (with the aid of a few extra plastic scales) that they were dinosaurs. (Never worked).

We couldn't get over how warm it was. I kept thinking how when I was a kid, at this time of year, it would be a winter wonderland and we would be out playing dressed like eskimo's and walking down our frozen creek that now became a path for us to explore. Yesterday... the geese and ducks seemed very confused.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008


Frigid temperatures! I am preparing to embark on my arctic voyage to work. Long underwear (that depending I may remove when I get to the office) and my gigantic eskimo-esque (wonderful) parka. No snow shoes although that would make the outfit complete...
So, yes it's -12 degrees (wind chill) but when I looked at the extended forcast, by next monday it will be in the 50's.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Happy New Year! Wishing everyone a focused and productive new year, the ability to take breaks when needed, the ability and knowledge to refuel ourselves. Get lots of sleep, take naps... communicate with people directly and not just with “ :- )” Take time to make your surroundings nurturing. Balance work with play. Take chances... listen to your gut... really take the moment to listen because it is always telling you what is the right thing to do. Exercise... even if it is just choosing to walk to the store instead of driving to it. Read your favorite books again. Watch your favorite movies again. Read new books and watch new movies and find some NEW favorites. Watch and read THOSE over again. Don't watch as much broadcast television. Commercials are big brother trying to fill your head with crap. Walk away from the commercials if you have to watch tv. See if you can survive with just one favorite show a week. Instead of sitting on your couch watching others on tv doing things... go out and DO them yourself! If you are going to watch tv, be engaged. The minute it starts to get boring or you feel the vegetative state coming on... do something else... read something... write something... get up and run and dance around the room... ANYTHING. Go out more. Find free things to do in your community. Explore your neighborhood. Get to know the people who work in the stores and shops around you. Surprise people with homemade presents. Keep your house clean, sweep with a real old fashioned broom and not some swiffer thingie... sweeping is actually good exercise! Sweep even if there isn't anything TO sweep. Put on music and sweep to the music. Don't wear your shoes in the house. Listen to classical music.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Sweeney Todd...

I saw the movie yesterday late afternoon.
Here are my thoughts...

Having been in the play for an extended run, I have an affection for the original score, etc. so there were some things missing for me. But I understood that this is a film adaptation and so to keep things moving along (in this day and age of minimal attention) things were trimmed. There were many musical/lyric moments cut that I noticed but someone who hasn't seen the show before wouldn't miss it. If anything, if the movie makes a fan of the show, they will delight in listening to the stage versions and discover the additional lyrics.

I thought that the art direction was fantastic. It was so rich and detailed and just plain wonderful. It was the perfect vision of this play on the movie screen. Again, knowing this musical as well as I do it was very satisfying to see scene after scene being treated with absolute perfection. I also sensed that the production team had a fondness for the original as there were several classic moments visually for instance the end of “Priest.” I loved them looking out the window at the world.

I loved Helena Bonham Carter as Mrs. Lovett. She was so perfectly deadpan which was an entirely new approach to the character. Lines like, “Flies do too” and “shepherds pie peppered with actual shepherd on top...” were prize winning.

Johnny Depp... I have always thought that a sexy Sweeney Todd is a successful Sweeney Todd. When I did the show years ago, our Sweeney had so much sex appeal that it gave the audience that errie combination of being hot for the person and at the same time absolutely horrified by him. This makes it feasable to understand how Todd could get away with what he is doing. And ofcourse, it makes the movie all the more worth watching. Johnny Depp didn't have the most incredible voice but his presence and just the fact that he was DOING it was great. He is such a great performer. The look on his face when he first finds out what has happened to his wife is priceless. His “Epiphany” was goose bumpable and I also loved during the “By The Sea” song how dark he remained in contrast to Lovett's enthusiasm.

Alan Rickman as the Judge was good but I thought he was too good looking. I have always thought of the Judge as being creepy and disgusting and perverted... but still he was great. The Beadle was perfect. I have never seen TEETH act as well as they did in this role. Sasha Baron Cohen as Pirelli... perfect. I love the Pope line.

I did not like Tobias. I thought it was a good idea to portray him in the film as a young boy but I thought the actor was too smart and kind of boring. Johanna was perfect. Anthony was terrible. I got so sick of hearing him sing the Johanna song. And I thought it was kind of funny that after he got beaten up by the Beadle that he gets up and staggers into the street and singing again full out.

The throat slashing was excellent. I know that sounds gross, but it was SO over the top that it was deliciously awful. What I thought was worse was when they would slide down the chute and hit their heads on the stone floor below. OUCH! Again, it was SO awful it was funny which is the point of the musical... I mean, how great is it to get to ride so many emotions in one sitting.

I didn't like the ending when he... oh wait I don't want to give it away. Let's just say it was a bit tired. ALTHOUGH I loved it when he threw her in the... oh wait... damn. Can't say that either. Let's just say at that moment in the film her performance was on fire!!!!

So go and see it... it's a perfect adaptation of a musical to the screen. Because it is right up in your face, much of it is understated and underplayed and because it is so realized visually, the performers don't have to work so hard. It works. Yay! Sweeney Todd made into a successful movie!!!

More please.

Note: Photo by Peter Mountain/DreamWorks-Warner Brothers

Friday, December 21, 2007

Michael, honey...

I am not one to spread gossip... HOWEVER... I couldn't resist...
Michael Jackson undergoes emergency surgery?
Posted on Friday, December 21, 2007 (EST)
There are reports that Michael Jackson had to undergo emergency surgery after his young son, Prince Michael II, accidentally punched him in the face, causing his lips to "burst".
Ok. First of all, the name of his kid. Is he just being really creepy on purpose?! Is it a joke. Is his kids real name Steven but they tell the public his name is Prince Michael II (because ya know, his FIRST son is seriously, Prince Michael I... makes me think of the cat in the hat for some reason).

And then at the end of the little blurb... his lips “burst.”
WHO's lips burst?

Oh wait... another Seuss reference... if I am not mistaken, a WHO's lips just MIGHT burst.
Horton the elephant listens very carefully to the dust particle on the flower and he hears...

“because I'm Bad, I'm Bad... Juh-moan!!!”

Saturday, December 15, 2007

our neighbors...

Rule of thumb... do not live below a family with two children under the age of five.

They were gone for a week or so. On a vacation. It was bliss. The moment they returned, the stomping and running and banging began. These two children are allowed to run the length of the apartment back and forth and back and forth marathon style.

We have complained numerous times.
Oh but they're just kids. There's nothing to be done about it.
They have even had the children come down and apologize.
We were offered cookies once as a bribe I mean a peace offering.
And then later that day the running and clomping and jumping and banging starts up again.

The nerve making their children apologize.
It's not the kids fault.
It's the parents not having the sense, the courtesy and the respect of condo living to make it a rule in the house that there is to be no running. I remember when I was growing up in a house where the only thing below us was a basement and even then we were not allowed to run through the house.

It's frustrating because legally there isn't much if anything that we can do.
And it seriously has gone beyond anything acceptable. We are tired of complaining. We actually just yell up from our condo to theirs. I have even considered late in the night belting out “TOMORROW TOMORROW!!!!” but then that wouldn't be fair to the other neighbors.
We have also considered one of those blow horn aerosol can things but that would freak the cats out even more than they already are.

So all we can do is hope that they decide to move.
PLEASE move.

Friday, December 07, 2007

I ain't “lion” this is unbelievable...

This is a video showing a woman being reunited with a Lion she had found when it was inured, near death and she nursed him back to health. She made arrangements for a zoo to give the lion a happy home. Here she is visiting him after some time had passed...

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Rob Dorn's Wonderland Holiday Show!

Hello one and all...
Whether you live in Chicago or not, I thought I would send out a blurb
about my upcoming Holiday Show.
Fellow Chicagoans... hope to see you there. Out of towners... if you
know of anyone in the Chicago area who might enjoy my show, forward
this on. On Donner, on Blitzen, on Email... you get the drift.

a special Three Cat Thursdays Holiday Special
Come on over to the Gorilla Tango Theatre on Thursday December 13th
Tell jack frost to give your nose a break and have yourself a merry
little hour of FUN!

I will be presenting songs from my holiday cd, “Wonderland,” and will
have special guests. There will be “Wonderland” cd give-aways and two
very special prizes, a starter website design AND a postcard or cd
package design to help two lucky independent artists start the new
year out right! It could be YOU!

The show is one hour long and starts promptly at 8PM

(CCP MEMBERS RECEIVE TWO FOR ONES). All shows are at Gorilla Tango
Theater which is located at 1919 N. Milwaukee Ave. in Chicago

Tickets can be reserved by calling 773.598.4549

banging our heads against a brick wall...

so this mentally disturbed teenager goes and kills seven people at a mall, shooting many others and declares in a suicide note that now he will be famous... and his wish is granted.
There he is splashed all over the news. Big slightly blurry picture and all the dramatic headlines he hoped for.
Everytime this thing happens, we give them exactly what they want and now all the wannabe's out there are given confirmation that if they too want to be famous all they have to do is...

why? when will the media learn?

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Rachel Weitz as Snow White...

I have been enjoying the ads that showcase various stars as Disney characters. Beyonce as Alice in Wonderland, Scarlett Johansen as Cinderella. But the one that took it over the top for me (happily so) was Rachel Weitz as Snow White. It's absolute perfection.

I have always loved Snow White. I loved the way she looked. I loved her dress. Loved the puffy blue sleeves with the red underneath and the golden skirt. When I was a kid she was one of the most frequent things I would draw. I learned alot about drawing from seeing images from that movie. As a testament to who she is as an actress, Rachel Weitz literally just becomes Snow White without a doubt and all she is doing is just sitting there in a forest glen. The cartoon character image that is seared in our minds becomes reality. I love it. Poofy sleeves and all. In this photo and in the art direction of it, the iconic dress is exact and immediatley informs us as to who it is. But what you really see is her face taking all that is happening around her and just making it magical. Not so easy a task.

Speaking of cartoon characters becoming reality, we saw “Enchanted” yesterday afternoon. Amy Adams and the rest of the cast are perfect as well. It reminded me of the kind of cast we've seen in “Wizard of Oz,” “Mary Poppins,” etc. I don't think anyone else could have played this part more convincingly without it turning into a parody. The minute it edges towards parody, Amy Adams surprises by making the most ridiculous moments absolutely believable. The little girl was great as well. The look in her eyes as she watches Amy throughout the movie is priceless. I loved the scene where she cleans up Patrick Dempsey's apartment. She opens the window and musically calls out to all her New York animal friends to help her. Rats, flies, cockroaches and Pigeons all come to her aid. The lyrics to the song were hysterical as well.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Tra la la la la la laaaaaaa!

“You will be a bust, be a bust, be a bust in the hall of fame...” 
Munchkins from "The Wizard of Oz" celebrate receiving a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame at Grauman's Chinese Theatre, site of the film's 1939 premiere, in Los Angeles Tuesday, Nov. 20, 2007. The Munchkins from left: Mickey Carroll, the Town Crier; Jerry Maren, part of the Lollipop Guild; stepping on the star, Ruth Duccini, a Munchkin villager; Margaret Pelligrini, the "sleepyhead" Munchkin and Meinhardt Raabe, the coroner. (AP Photo/Damian Dovarganes)

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Thanksgiving approaches...

We will have a nice Thanksgiving this year. Jason is already cooking. We will have our friends Dorothy and Mark down from Minneapolis, joined on Thursday by my parents and brother.

The other day I had the best time with the lady who works at the dry cleaners kitty corner from our house. She is an older Japanese woman and barely speaks English. As we were attempting to communicate, she knew that her English was terrible and it just amused her to no end. She kept laughing and laughing as we slowly went through the process of filling out the form, etc.
One thing that struck me though was that even though we didn't know each others languages, our laughing was IN the same language. It was interesting to me... her musical laughter. No accent, no unique cadence... just pure laughter. Laughter you will here all over the country in a hundred different languages... the laughter is universal. She had me laughing too and out onto the street and to the train.

Monday, November 19, 2007

More Phone “fun”

So, the lady in India said to me, “go... go my child to your local T-Mobile store for I can no longer do anything to help you.”
“You mean, I have to go to a real live store and face real live people? But this is why I have a cel phone in the first place. Don't ruin the fun for me.”
“No, no my child, run like the wind in your city of wind to the T-Mobile on the street you call State, kitty corner from the department store once called Marshall Fields...”

“mmm k”

So I went.
I went on my way to work. But I did, indeed have to go out of my way. (uh-oh)
So, seriously, I went in there, waited in the longish line, and when I got to a sales rep consultant engineer trainee peep, SHE TOLD ME TO GO CALL THE T-MOBLE TECHNICIAN ON THE PHONE!!!!!!!
I didn't need to come to a real live store. And they wouldn't or couldn't help me directly.
I had to call someone on the phone. And then she dialed the wrong number and I had to talk to someone who was pissed off because he keeps getting calls from people looking for T-Mobile.

I told the sales rep consultant engineer trainee peep that the lady from India told me I had to come to a real live store.
“Yeah...” Ms. T said with a bit of sass... “she don't know what she's talkin' bout.”

I was mad.

T-Mobile is creepy.
It all ended good. I came out better on the other side. A charming gentlemen named Aaron saved the day.

I have never had an experience of loathing something and loving something at the same time.
My pretty little shiny piece of @#$%. That makes me go out of my way!

I have to work on my negative feelings toward my phone.
I need to smudge it.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Out of the mouths of babes...

Nicki Blonski (sp) who played Tracy Turnblad in the movie version of the musical “Hairspray” had THIS to say when asked what her favorite scene was in the film...

"Yes, when I'm doing 'Welcome to the '60s' with John [Travolta, as mom Edna] — the biggest musical star of our time.

Ok then... I didn't KNOW that. Biggest as in he was wearing a fat suit? Biggest because the last musical he did was more than thirty years ago? Biggest because Nicki is now driving around in a brand new sports car purchased for her by someone who used to welcome back a teacher known as Kotter? Biggest because I am bored on a sunday morning and need to stop this mindless blogging and go be productive?

Why, yes, I think THAT is the correct answer.

two dixie cups and a string...

I have probably blogged about this before but obviously I haven't worked through it enough.
Cel phones.
Cute little plastic or metal devices that attract us to them because they are so shiny and pretty and “cool.” They are the happy go lucky puppets being controlled by....

the EVIL cel phone companies.
(insert thunderclap)
Seriously, they are the evil five million fingers of Doctor whoever wicked witch of the Freddy Krueger BULLIES that take hold of your balls (if you have them) and pretty much OWN you. They own you. They have a contract on you. Through smoke and mirrors they convince you to sign your life away for two years (at least) and you pretty much can't do ANYTHING that strays from this contract without paying big chunks of money. The cel phone company is this enormous chomping monster eating your money. Yum, yum, YUM... chomp, chomp, chomp.

And THEN after you get your first phone they hypnotize you and parade you in front of really cool new phones on a bi-monthly if not weekly basis with beautiful full color gigantic ads with the happiest people you have ever seen in your life talking on their NEW extra even more so cooler phone that you can't have unless you pay much much more than what it says initially on the poster.

If. IF you break the contract it costs you. Jason and I were on a shared plan. He was the one who set it up initially so he was the authority on the account (authority my eye) and so HE was seduced by the iPhone and left our current company to go be with the good people of the iPhone. (Not actual name of company).

I was then left alone to fend for myself in this weird sort of middle ground where I wasn't the authority of anything involving this metalic shiny christmas light thing I carry around in my pocket and it constantly bothers me and needs my attention and especially when I am nowhere near it and it calls out beckoning me and I can't find it because I took it OUT of my pocket.
(God, do I LOVE a run on sentence!)

So now, I spent a lovely hour with a darling gal at the phone company attaining my so called “authority.” She actually talked like one of the robots. I found myself doing the same thing when giving her all my info. (Oddly, when I say my name, I always say, ‘that's Robert F Dorn... F as in Frank... when my actual middle name is Frederick.)

She is required now to inform me that she will be reading from a script when she goes through the process. Oh really? And here I thought you spoke so eloquently. So as she reads me this script I am so tempted to stop her and say, “ok... now, what is your intention when you are saying that line?” But I don't because the phone company has actually put a cork in my teretz style sense of humor. And we already know what that bitches intentions are... (insert second thunderclap)

So after ALL of that... all of the answers, the information given, all of the threats that I might have to start the contract ALL over because basically I never really had any kind of ownership of this account, it was all Jason's and he left us... left us cold for that slutty iPhone. Here I was with a Razr to take care of and I just might be kicked back to zero which means I would have to endure another two years before I would have any kind of clout.

Thankfully, that was not the case. I just took over the contract. So as of next year at this time I can actually consider buying another phone without having to give up the farm. So all is done, right? Right robot sounding lady?... who is probably sipping a diet coke in India as we go through this lengthy process...

She tells me that she has done all she can with me and now it is up to me to go to the cel phone dealer store and choose my plan and all that stuff. “You mean online?” I ask. “No to an actual store.”

Oh my god... she is telling me to actually go outside and go to a real store where there are real people who actually live in my country and will actually talk to me and look into my eyes and hold me if I cry suddenly and assure me that that whole “big brother is watching me” thing WAS and IS only a movie.

F%$#K I have to leave my house.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

End of Innocence...

Get a load of these pics side by side... it's Lindsay Lohan when she was thirteen years old (on the left) and on the right is her little sister CURRENTLY thirteen. Look at how OLD she looks! It's how they are marketing her as a budding singer.
I think that this is sad. 
I think it is a direct result of money hungry producers and whoever else whoring a child... (my opinion)
She looks GREAT but a thirteen year old? She looks twenty five.
Freaks me out.
Makes me glad I could actually BE thirteen back WHEN I was. I had a big head, bowl cut, skinny as a flagpole. (FLAG pole).
Ok. It's early.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Rob Dorn: Wonderland (giving you a little advance notice)

Inspired by Vince Guaraldi’s ‘The Charlie Brown Christmas’ album
from the 1960’s, I’ve paired that with my love for such singing
greats as Vic Damone, Andy Williams and Nat King Cole. Songs include:
holly jolly christmas • caroling, caroling • have yourself a merry
little christmas • i’ll be home for christmas • santa claus is
comin’ to town • christmas time is here • sleigh ride • let it
snow • o christmas tree • the christmas song and the song that
inspires the cd’s title: winter wonderland

Wonderland can be purchased through CD BABY...

May I be the first to wish you Happy Holidays!!!


Sunday, November 04, 2007

Hey Bert!

Everyone thought Jason should be Bert because he's taller. But we chose roles based on our personalities and also the fact that Jason does a dead on Ernie impression. My Bert ain't half bad either.
One of my favorite moments of the night was stopping at Jewel to get a bottle of wine for the host of the party we were attending.
The noses are very uncomfortable. Although it did accentuate my Bert impression.

Parker with a “P”

Look at Parker! He's nearly grown now. Still a kitten at heart though. He is just now learning to really jump. Isn't he CUTE?!!!!!! I've nicknamed him “P.” Jason calls him “Weiner.”
He is a very busy cat and instead of bugging me to get up to feed him he just wants me to get up and play. “Can't help lovin' that cat of ours!”

Monday, October 22, 2007

Everytime it rains it rains Gucci from Heaven...

Jetliner returns to Midway after luggage falls out
The Associated Press
5:21 AM CDT, October 22, 2007

Several pieces of luggage are missing from a Delta Airlines flight that left Chicago's Midway Airport yesterday, and authorities say they apparently fell out somewhere over the Chicago area.

The Delta flight operated by Atlantic Southeast Airlines was forced to circle back to Midway shortly after takeoff because a cargo door was improperly secured and two bags fell out.

The Atlanta-bound flight, carrying 63 passengers, left Midway at 9:54 a.m. It made an emergency landing after the crew detected a cabin pressure problem.

After the plane landed, the crew determined that one of two cargo doors on the 70-seat regional jet had opened during the flight, allowing the bags to escape.

No one was hurt, and passengers were reassigned to another flight.

In a related item, Dolores Cooper of Calumet City has recently added several new items to her wardrobe. As Dolores remarked, “Oh gosh, ya know, I was doin' that “secret” thing I saw on Oprah wishing for some new clothes and bang, it just come down and almost hit me right on the head and was suddenly there all over my yard. And it even came with a suitcase for me to carry it in. Thanks Oprah!”

Saturday, October 20, 2007


It has been twelve hundred years since I wrote.
How've you been?
I am busy.
Busy with work, developing work, creating new work, going after all sorts of work.
Between Three Cat Media and Three Cat Thursdays I am happily busy and ofcourse wonder how I can do even more!

We have had almost two months now of “Three Cat Thursdays.” People are getting it. And we have had some wonderful talent on the show.

I have been a busy socialite attending the glamorous events of the season. Well, maybe not THAT glamorous but fun none the less. I have been going to Petterino's for their open mic nights on monday. A blast. It's classy. Reminds me of Sardi's. Love it. Beckie Menzie plays piano. It's the start of yet another something big.

And our Thursday night shows... we are inching along and building an audience. I kind of feel like a school teacher on our “Life is a Song” nights and I present the students answering the question that becomes the theme for the evening. Actually Jason is the one who comes up with the question so that I can participate too.

Other than that, sleeping, playing with my cats, enjoying our home, trying to find time for Jason and I just to be together not in a working situation. We are about to go for a walk.

Ah... the simple things.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Alice Ghostley

She was a standout. On Bewitched she reminded me of a female version of Paul Lynde. Her persona carried her through countless television shows and she even played “Miss Hannigan” in “Annie” on broadway (succeeding Tony Winner Dorothy Louden). One of the best character actresses of all time, even if you might not have known her name, you definitely knew who she was. Below is her obituary...
LOS ANGELES, California -- Alice Ghostley, the Tony Award-winning actress best known on television for playing Esmeralda on "Bewitched" and Bernice on "Designing Women," has died. She was 81.
Actress Alice Ghostley, seen in 1952 (top photo), battled colon cancer and a series of strokes, her friend said.
Ghostley died Friday at her home in Studio City after a long battle with colon cancer and a series of strokes, longtime friend Jim Pinkston said.
Ghostley made her Broadway debut in "Leonard Sillman's New Faces of 1952." She received critical acclaim for singing "The Boston Beguine," which became her signature song.
Miles Kreuger, president of the Los Angeles-based Institute of the American Musical, said part of Ghostley's charm was that she was not glamorous.
"She was rather plain and had a splendid singing voice, and the combination of the well-trained, splendid singing voice and this kind of dowdy homemaker character was so incongruous and so charming," Kreuger said.
In the 1960s, Ghostley received a Tony nomination for various characterizations in the Broadway comedy "The Beauty Part" and eventually won for best featured actress in "The Sign in Sidney Brustein's Window."
From 1969 to 1972, she played the good witch and ditzy housekeeper Esmeralda on TV's "Bewitched." She played Bernice Clifton on "Designing Women" from 1987 to 1993, for which she earned an Emmy nomination in 1992.
Ghostley's film credits include "To Kill a Mockingbird," "The Graduate," "Gator" and "Grease."
She was born on August 14, 1926, in Eve, Missouri, where her father worked as a telegraph operator. She grew up in Henryetta, Oklahoma.
After graduating from high school, Ghostley attended the University of Oklahoma but dropped out and moved to New York with her sister to pursue theater.
"The best job I had then was as a theater usher," she said in a 1990 Boston Globe interview. "I saw the plays for free. What I saw before me was a visualization of what I wanted to do and what I wanted to be."
She was well aware of the types of roles she should pursue.
"I knew I didn't look like an ingenue," she told The Globe. "My nose was too long. I had crooked teeth. I wasn't blond. I knew I looked like a character actress.
"But I also knew I'd find a way," she added.
Ghostley, whose actor husband, Felice Orlandi, died in 2003, is survived by her sister, Gladys.

My Favorite Four Words of the Day...


Just when you thought you had heard everything you needed to hear about that iconic show, “The Brady Bunch,” Maureen McCormick (Marcia) is writing HER tell all book and it's getting huge advance press because she is “revealing” her lesbian love affair with Jan. Most likely, they just kissed and it's being blown up into a great monetary vehicle for Mo (no pun intended).

Talk about fantasy ignite for any male boomer... wouldn't that be one of the ultimate straight male fantasies of all time? (Mine at the time involved Mike Lookinland... he was my fave Brady and that's because he was closest to my age... yes, nine year old me, crushing on Bobby).

Hmmm... I wonder if Maureen knows this ultimate male fantasy just might help sell the book. And ofcourse, I demand a made for tv movie... 

Good for her. Return to television, get thin, reveal drug problems (hey you guys... UP my nose!) and eating disorders (Mom... Marcia's hogging the bathroom again!) and now this.
Marcia, Marcia, Marcia is coming clean, clean, clean.
And in a way, we all peel away one big collective layer. (Layer, layer... sorry couldn't resist)
Innocence lost.

What's next? Oh, I know....
Joanie didn't love Chachi... she loved Leather Tuscadero(sp)


Wednesday, September 19, 2007


It looks like I will be in harmony again! Sam and Mary Beth Samuelson and Jeff Roscoe will be my new harmony co-horts.
We are going to begin rehearsals soon for a show that will be in December. Excited.
Now... what to call the group... and nothing having to do with Hits OR Misses.
Here are some random ideas...

Four Way... no that sounds a bit too kinky.
Adagio! No. That would be a group of Italian singers singing ONLY ballads. How dull could THAT get?
I had toyed with Optimistic Voices... still might use that. But does it sound like “Up With People?”
Sound Check... hmmm... no.

Oh well, I'll keep thinking...

Oh no!!

I hate it when I am reading a “self help how to live your life better” book and then find out that the author died... young.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Singing songs by E-L-B!

Today is a kind of Christmas.
I am performing tonight in a show with my friends Eric Lane Barnes and Tina Gluschenko.
We are singing songs written by Eric.
I have known him for over twenty years now. There is something very unique to be a singer and to sing one of your best friends songs onstage. It's a gift. We have been performing off and on for all these years and tonight is a first, the first time the THREE of us will be sharing the stage together.

I met Eric when he was the accompanist for a voice teacher I was taking lessons from. We hit it off pretty instantaneously when we found out we had pretty much the exact same sense of humor. We could walk up Michigan Avenue and that was all we needed for entertainment. Looking into a store window and seeing a strange animated figure rotating it's head back and forth, some kind of advertisement from the 50's or 60's that was still there and old and sad. We would stare at it smiling and just howl with laughter.

We started working together when he played for me for what was my very very first cabaret show. I did it at a place called The Raccoon Club on Wells Street just under the EL tracks at the brown line Chicago stop. I remember we both very proudly wore Willie Wear suits. Do you remember those AWFUL suits?! The year was 1986 I believe. After that we both were in “Four Hits and a Miss” together. He was the musical director. It was the group that inspired me to put together “THREE Hits and a Miss” years later. (Although he wasn't part of THAT group, we did do several of his arrangements.

One time he was playing for me at a club called Boombala. I remember telling him that I wanted the overture to “The Wizard of Oz” played on the piano before my show. As I waited in the wings, sure enough he played it and it made me tear up. We did crazy things. We have crazy “skits” that we do that to anyone else would just be absolutely weird and maybe even stupid. But it makes us howl (again) with laughter.

Tina. Tina and I have known each other ever since we were paired up in the chorus of “Anyone Can Whistle” at Pegasus Players in the late 1980's. Again, instant, “where have you been all my life” friendship. Once again someone who I made up stupid little “skits” with just to entertain ourselves. Hours of entertainment and laughter just by doing things. She used to come over to my apartment on Addison and I would make pigs in a blanket hot dogs with Pillsbury Crescent Dough. We loved to sing really loudly in cockney accents. We nicknamed each other Hansel and Gretel and wandered around Andersonville on a winters night looking for Glugg and talking in thick german accents. Tina and I toured together for nine months in “Into The Woods.”
She was Cinderella and I was Jack.

So the thought of the two of these people and ME onstage together is, well, as I mentioned earlier, a sort of Christmas. This is also an example of having a wish, an idea and turning it into a reality. Even if it DID take almost twenty years. It is going to be well worth the wait.

Visit Eric's website.