I have worn some pretty ridiculous outfits in my past. I'm not talking about that big bird outfit I wore as a singing telegram messenger, I am talking about some of my chosen articles of clothing at various times in my life. Unfortunately, my early adult years took place in the 1980's. Early, early on in perhaps 1980 or 81, I went through a brief preppie stage. I wore Izod sweaters like everyone else, but I didn't feel I had completed my mission. I stumbled upon a picture in GQ and decided that THAT was what I wanted to look like and so, I went out in public (to the theatre no less) dressed as such...
We will start with a pink shirt and blue and green striped tie. Slip on some pink socks to match the pink shirt. For footwear, we will step into a pair of boat shoes or deck shoes... you know, Topsiders... the ones with the white rubber bottoms... Add a blue blazer with brass buttons and wait I am not finished... the pants... the pants were the best part in fact, the outfit doesn't really sound THAT bad but the pants took it over the edge. I had on a pair of khaki pants. Khaki pants?What is so “edgy” about that? Well let's just say that all over the pants were green embroidered whales!!!!!!!
I went out in public like that! I traipsed all through London almost as bad or maybe worse. Oh wait, yes, it was worse. Because I had a really neat - o matchy outfit that involved a red and blue thing horizontal striped polo shirt, a pair of bright red golf pants... the top siders and best of all and the finishing touch, a red beret. Oh for the love of god!!!! And the perm... the full afro head of dishwater blonde bouncy curls I attained from a beauty school student who cursed through the whole process and burned the back of my neck. I must say that I looked very much like an attractive lesbian woman for several years in my early adult years. Oh wait, ditch the attractive part.
No wonder I am bald now... my hair finally HAD it with me. “Yo, Dorn, down there underneath us, yeah, YOU! We are checking out buddy... no more follicle folly's for us. But don't worry, we will leave you slowly. The guys in the back will go first so that you won't really notice. But soon, soon you will just give up and put us ALL out of our misery with an electric razor.”
The worst was yet to come though because of a thing called, “Willie Wear.” These were baggy suits made of cotton material or sear-sucker and you would wear it either with just a t-shirt underneath or worse, a dress shirt (vibrant color preferred) and a BOLO TIE!!!!!!!!!
My friend Eric and I both had Willie Wear outfits and we proudly wore them to one of my first cabaret performances at The Raccoon Club in Chicago. I tried to find an image on google but there doesn't seem to be ANYTHING... it's as if Willie Wear just self destructed and left no evidence of ever having existed. But it did. Because I WORE it.
Eventually I would tire of Members Only Jackets and trendy trendy clothes that were in style for ten minutes at a time. Even my stone washed jeans and matching 80's jacket with the leather on the very broad shoulders.
My favorite era and and era of clothes I actually miss were the black turtle neck, jeans and combat boot uniform of the gays. I like wearing that. And let's see, what else? Maybe the t-shirt blazer with rolled up sleeves phase I went through in college. That was nice.
But as for those whale covered khakis... thank heavens they are now an endangered species of clothing... that is until those crazy young kids want to dress the kooky way mom and dad did when they were kids... or dare I say now, the kooky way grandma and grandpa dressed!!!