Ok. I think you are right. I WASN'T born gay. So if that is the case, I have to blame someone or something for MAKING me gay. So, the only people I can think of who have known me from the very beginning... my Mother and Father.
Dear Mom and Dad,
Thanks alot! You made me gay! I was this perfect little heterosexual baby and thanks to you two hoodlums, I am now a homosexual. Why? Why did you do this to me?
Mom, you were doing a mighty fine job, keeping me out of trouble, making sure I didn't get my finger caught too many times in the sliding door, catching me before I leapt off the balcony with an umbrella... but Mom, you forgot one thing. Just as if you left poisen lying on the ground waiting for me to eat it up, you haphazardly left all of your high heel shoes on the floor of your closet. You could have prevented me from becoming a gay. But there they were. I wondered what they were and after trying them on I gazed up and saw the moo moo you got from Hawaii. I don't know what came over me, but I put it on and shazam, I was a homo.
Dad. You were very busy, working all the time. I didn't know you as well as I could have. I think your absence made me too attached to my Mom and sisters and with all of that girl energy, it was bound to rub off on me.
Brad. You were my big brother until one day you felt you were too old to play baby games and kids stuff. So off you went. A possible heterosexual role model. You left me alone to be GAY.
Lynn. Big sister. You had a friend who was gay. And because he actually set foot in our house, I think I may have come into contact with his gay germs. Shit.
Karen. Wow! YOU TOO had a gay friend. Jesus! What were you guys trying to do to me? Also, Karen you once referred to me as your “fem brother roberta.” Did you know that that pretty much sealed the deal on making me queer.
Paul. You didn't do anything. And I appreciate it.
So there. I finally got it OUT and in the open. My family made me gay.
See what you did?
I hope you are happy.