If someone has diabetes, if they aren't in control and checking their blood sugar and taking insulin they will have a reaction. In MY case, living my life in a blur and not paying attention can steer my in a direction where I will find people in my life who mirror this. MY lack of communication will lead me to others who do the same thing. I will find myself immersed in a big blur with others who have a difficult time communicating for whatever reason (ADD or not).
I have found this to be true with my life. I am very bad at communicating. I am very bad at connecting with my closest friends. I don't understand why, it is just the way that it is. How ever it is that I am wired, it is only now after 44 years of living IN my life that I am noticing blatant patterns that tell me that indeed, something is not quite right. It's the way most of my family is wired. I seem to be the only one who notices and is concerned.
It's interesting how this kind of thing, something that deals with the mind is in a way, shunned and/or put off. If your walk had a limp, you would do something. If you had severe stomach cramps for a week you would do something. But have ADD? “It's all in your head...” Well, yeah.... so DO something about it. Why should we think that our brain is any different than a knee or an elbow? Body parts below the head are NOTICEABLE strained usually right away. A strain in your brain (I promise I won't turn this into a song) takes time to be noticed. I wish I had noticed a long time ago. I wish I would have noticed that there was something that prevented me from fighting back and taking charge. Piece by piece of my puzzle was taken apart and stored away. It's when there are maybe only five pieces left that you freak. For me those five pieces are the fact that I am 44 and not getting any younger. I am STILL dealing with the bullshit I have always been dealing with and it isn't the circumstances in my life, the things happening, the place I am living, the people I am associating with... it IS me.
So I have to do something about it. Yes, I can have therapy, I can have pills, I can TRY to focus, but ultimately my ambition which apparantly is being held hostage is screaming to get out. I need to save it. I need to rescue it.