Concerta. That is what I am on. It seems to be working. Last night, I decided to go out and do a little self promotion for my show. I was going to go down to a bar in the loop because my cousin works there and she could pass out my flyers to customers. As I drove, I noticed how focused I was. I liked it. I felt very calm. I was out in the open. The only side effect I have noticed is that it WORKS to keep me focused until about 1 in the morning or so. Then I am zonked out in a deep sleep for a very good solid eight hours. So perhaps my life as a morning person will begin as of this week. Now that I don't drink coffee, the whole early early morning thing is kind of lame anyway.
Yeah, I stopped drinking coffee. Switched to decaf but yesterday even THAT made me jittery. It could have been the fact that I prepared it in a french press. I mean, there still IS caffeine in decaf and depending on how you prepare it, you could still get caffeine in your system. I am experimenting now with a weaker version of the coffee I make. Yes, in my lost in ADD land days, the coffee I would brew... I could have been shut down like a meth lab. It was inspired by Starbucks. I mean, the first time I ever had one of their cups of coffee I was floored. It was so rich and flavorful (I sound like a bad 70's commercial) and Cora the Folgers lady could just take a big ole hike (even if she was the beloved Margaret Hamilton!)
So then I moved on to brewing my own and I would scoop out alot of the fresh ground shit and maybe use half the water. Mud. I drank mud. And it slowly over time shot my nervous system to hell.
It wasn't until this summers panic attack that I realized what I was doing to my body. So, time to re-think that.
My head is blurry, but it IS morning and I have to be good to myself. I have to let myself get to the right MODE. Everyone, ADD or not has their peaks and valleys. The best way to be productive is to understand and map out those ups and downs.
I had an intense dream (another side effect perhaps, but a good one) I was in school of some sort. It seemed like it was my third grade class but we were all college age. We had a really cool teacher. We all had to choose our desks. I was having a hard time. There were a lot of really cool desks. These weren't just your average classroom desks, but cool office desks where in the class we would be setting up our offices with lap tops, very nice desk chairs, file cabinets, etc. I kept looking for the perfect desk but they were all being taken. The ones I passed on thinking I would find a better one were then taken. It was frustrating. I had to end up squeezing in and sharing with this girl who was pissed off that she had to share. I was way in the back. I asked the teacher were she would be lecturing and she said it was in this other room. I told her that that was good because I didn't want her to strain her voice. She then made some kind of comment about how she never would do that anyway.
What is important in dreams is how you FEEL. I felt frustrated. I felt confused. I guess it was an ultimate ADD dream. I was trying to find a place to put things in order and I could never just CHOOSE one. I had to keep looking.
That has been a problem for me. I have always been “the grass is always greener” kind of guy. And then you look down at your feet and actually SEE the grass for the first time.