Jason was gone over the weekend and will still be gone until Thursday. This is giving me a chance to have a retreat of sorts. To be alone. It isn't exactly a great thing. In fact at times it worries me to wonder how far gone I am with all of this. Someone with ADHD is always going to think it is someone else who is making them feel this way. It is the actions of others. This is why Jason and I get into arguments because I am convinced that it is things that he is doing that trigger me. Well, he ain't here and I am still getting triggered. It is ME who is pulling the trigger.
That is good news for our relationship. I told him over the phone that I worried that my ADHD was going to ruin our relationship and he assured me it wouldn't. He also encourages me to get help.
So the list I made the other day about all of the chemicals I was taking on a daily basis. This weekend I put an end to my caffeine intake. I was drinking two and a half huge mugs of very strong coffee every morning. Basically it was about six to eight cups. (eek) and so I am going the decaf route.
First decaf day I was not introduced to it very well. As I was taking Jason to the airport, we did a McDonald's stop and that is where I got my cup of decaf. Yuck. Next day I strolled down to my swank neighborhood coffee temple and got THEIR version of decaf which was tasteful and good. I bought a pound to bring home. It's good. I think it does actually have a weird after taste. But it is decaffeinated naturally so it should be ok for me. But anyway, I was going through some heavy withdrawal. I had a headache to beat the band yesterday. But I didn't really have a panic attack yesterday. I was muddled though. I get muddled because I over-complicate things and because I don't pull out when I START getting muddled. Getting muddled is my red alert that it is time to take a break. Do I take a break? No. I just keep plowing ahead. Somewhere I was taught that taking a break was a waste of time. Well screw that.