I am glad I decided to check out anti-depressants. I had no idea.
I remember watching those commercials on tv with that weird bubble person thing that started out so very sad and then was suddenly happy happy. I heard of other people taking anti-depressants. I have a very good friend, very creative who claims that there isn't a bit of creativity lost when on such medication.
So, finally after realizing that I was suffering a form of depression that I had no control over and that I was anxious and scattered and feeling out of balance, it was time to see what this was all about.
Happy Pills. That's what they are. Well, not ridiculously happy pills but stabilizing pills that make me feel more centered and focused and more ME.
Now I can imagine someone who knows me saying, “You? Rob? Centered and focused?” They might think that my nature was to be a bit crazy and scattered. Let's say, “kookie.” But no, sorry, that isn't me. That is a build up of my coping with the noise and craziness that I combat every day. Not to say that I am not going to be funny and silly and allow my essence to flow... it's just going to be there more on purpouse than not.
I have in the past tuned things out. This was a major gift and a major detraction. I would only listen to what I wanted to hear. I would only pay attention when I allowed myself to pay attention. I have been a scared bunny for many years. Trembling, heart racing, afraid, wondering what to do, where to go, what should I do next? Who am I?
Now, in a more balanced state, I am beginning to know exactly who I am. I know what I want to do and I know how to accomplish it. I am much more aware of how I can self sabotoge with procrastination (like writing in this blog) and know when to nip it in the bud and know when to take a break.
Much of what I have been in the past is someone stifling the noise. If I keep busy I won't have to take time to think and to take time to be accountable for where I am and what I am doing.
It's all part of my growth and now I feel like I have been jumpstarted.
It feels good.